May 17, 2008
Trudy's windows
Trud: I am the most comfortable with him. With him, I feel that I can be most like myself.
me: How do you know what is most like yourself?
Trud: You know, the ugly side of yourself. I can be really ugly and he's seen my really ugly side.
me: You mean, in appearance wise or personality wise?
Trud: Both. Actually, I meant both.
me: Hmm... Then, maybe I have never been ugly or real with anyone. Maybe not even Kay. Vulnerable side, maybe. But ugly? I don't know...
Trud: Vulnerable is not ugly. We all have vulnerabilities. But, don't you have sides of yourself that are just ugly, either looks or some ugly characteristics?
me: ... Well, not a lot of people get to see my vulnerable side, you know. So, I guess that's one, already.
Trud: ...
me: ...
I continued thinking about it on the cab ride home. Do I not have an ugly side or I'm so good in concealing, layering, masking that I delude even myself? And, who has ever seen the real me? Do I even know her myself?
I suddenly feel overwhelmed by a wave of existentialism. Ahhh, my good old partner.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:49